kotaotan: (Default)
So I can't sleep. I feel weird. I feel anti-social. Even hearing Becca's birthday party over the phone while talking to Kit made me feel off. Not sure why I get like this sometimes. There are so many things I should be happy about and could be listing and all I can think of is how little I want to be near more than one person at a time right now. GAH I'm an odd ball.

So, here's the good things before I get too down. I entered the local Addy Awards for the American Advertising Federation. I entered three pieces. My Zoo poster took a bronze, my City Peeps poster took a bronze, and my City Peeps logo took a silver. Still not sure why I ended up with a gold award, but there ya go. Got a rough cut of Greg's short film done. Looking good so far. I'm apparently a fairly good director. I'm going to see Kit next weekend for Valentine's Day.

Ok, seriously, what's wrong with me? Why am I so anxious right now? Why am I suffering from anxiety so bad? I feel bored, but I can't think of things to do. AND I need to find a tutorial for photoshop to do to turn in this week for class on Monday AND I need to get my photo essay done. Is that it? Is it school work that's bugging me? Or is there something more? Is there a grain of sand in my shell that's trying to get turned into a pearl?

Something dawned on me tonight. As of April 23rd I'll have been doing webcomics for ten years. The event will pass with no fanfare and no special events. No one will comment and there will be no special podcasts or interviews for it. That's because, in a lot of ways, I'm no further along now than I was then. The only thing that's changed is the series and I actually seem to have fewer readers now than I did back in the Kota's World days. Ten years is a long time. I suppose, really, that I've been entertaining myself more than anything. I've made precious little money and gotten fewer reviews than a bad Riker/Geordi/Data slash-fic. There are times when I wonder why I keep doing what I'm doing, but then I know the answer. Leggette once told me that I'm Kevin. Not Kevin the web cartoonist, or Kevin the artist but that's really not true. I hate to say it, but I AM defined by this. We are defined by our actions, and I really don't have any other options any more. If I don't then I'll always be "just a stockguy". I suppose the comics are a way of fooling myself into thinking I'm more than that and I can feel important. Well, if that's the way it is then let the charade continue. The ball is still going, the band is still playing, and it's time to get my mask back on. Shall we dance?
kotaotan: (Default)
I'm sitting at my desk right now on my lap top with it placed in front of my PC monitor. I don't know why.
I've decided to try and actually be the comic artist I was to some degree. I want to at least have one page a week updated. That shouldn't be hard but for some reason I keep thinking I used to be better at this sort of thing. I do have several updates drawn and ready, but I keep putting off the inking and coloring. I'm going to work on the color for Friday's sometime tomorrow and work on it more Thursday night.
I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to need one more year of school. I've decided to go back and take the web design course since no one actually wants a graphic designer on it's own. They want web in the same package so I figure I'll give it a shot.
It's fall again and I'm feeling nostalgic. I always do at this time of year and I don't know why. Most of my friends always do. We always start remembering how things were when we were young. That's about all I've got for now. More later.
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I started working at Rose's the first time about fourteen years ago. At the time we had these small, brown shopping carts. I was the new guy at the time and my two responsibilities were cleaning the bathrooms and doing buggy pick ups. Rain or shine I'd be out there gathering these horribly old little things in to be filled up with toilet paper by the elderly and with toys at Christmas. We also used them to put our freight out. We'd fill a buggy up and roll it out, empty it, then do it all again and return it at the end of the day.
Some time later we started getting new buggies in. Not "NEW" new, but new to us. No idea where these square, giant, yellow monstrosities came from, but we had them. Someone had stuck Rose's stickers on the side, where as the old ones had it pressed into the plastic and painted. Eventually we started getting average sized red carts in that used to be from Target. For the most part they're sturdy and easy to push and pretty easy to get on a buggy pick up. Not long after the yellow ones started coming in we more or less lost our brown buggies. We didn't send them out, there was no conscious effort to get rid of them. They all either broke and got thrown out, or they were carted off by people for God knows what.
I've come and gone from the store twice in the last fourteen years. I've had two other retail jobs and one office job I'm still bitter about losing. In the end though, I ended up back. There's not much left there that I recognize. There's Greg, Mrs. Persons, and Mrs. Boren. Mrs. Persons and Boren have been there longer than me. Imagine my shock to walk in the stockroom soon after coming back and finding a very old brown buggy with a Rose's logo on the side. I'm not going to lie and say I specifically recognize this one, but it's such a throw back to those old days. It's something unexpectedly familiar in an almost alien environment. To be honest, when I slowly put my hands on that brown plastic handle bar I almost teared up. I felt 19 again with the world in front of me. Then I woke up.
I let Mrs. Persons keep the buggy in her department over in softlines. She'll guard it like she guards everything else she has over there so I know it's safe. Every now and again, though, I'll pop over when I'm sure no one will see me and I'll check on what may be my oldest friend in the store.

Man. This is almost pathetic!

09-16-09

Sep. 16th, 2009 08:31 pm
kotaotan: (Default)
One full day and then a day at work and I'll be on my way to see my dearest Kit in Jonesboro. Let's see if I can give a quick run down of things that have been going on lately.

Work is really getting on my nerves. I'm getting different info from different people but all from the same source. Also, the hours are still cut and we're less than a week away from what will probably be the most disastrous inventory the store has ever seen. Still enjoying working with Greg and Paul though. Other than that, I definitely need to try and find a new job soon. The store is not a healthy work environment.

I'm ramping into production mode on Errant Apprentice, but the problem there is I start back to school next week and I'm not sure how much time I'm going to have to work on the thing when that happens. The plus side is that I'm getting slightly faster at digital inking AND I'm using the Mac book. I'm tempted to start taking it to work and ink on lunch but I'm extremely paranoid about it being up there with the dregs of humanity.

I really need this trip. I've got wanderlust something fierce and I need to get away from home and work for a couple of days. Not to mention I miss Kit. A lot. Ever had someone crawl inside your head and just stay there? Yeah. Me neither. This is new. It's hard to believe it's been over a year since this whole thing started. Before this I think my longest relationship was six months.

Anyway, that's it for now. I'll see you guys when I get back in Mississippi.
kotaotan: (Default)
Had therapy today and am feeling some better. I do have a few things to work out, but my nightmares have been explained a bit. More later when I have time. Warren's on his way over. Later!
kotaotan: (pic#215305)
Well, things seem better. Sort of. Financially, things are starting to get on an even keel again. The problem is I feel sort of out of it. I'm not spending a lot of time with my friends and I feel a bit like a hermit. Going out feels weird and staying home is far too comfortable in some ways. I think on my day off next week I'll go out somewhere and not worry about where.

I'm feeling ok artistically. I feel confident in my abilities and I think the comic is going all right. I'm starting to have new ideas for Errant Apprentice AND for Mailbox Rocketship. The funny thing is, I really wish I could find an artist to do MR for me. I feel like I don't have time, but then again I just spent hours on Fallout 3 and will be on City of Heroes tonight. How serious about this art thing am I if I keep doing stuff like this? Shouldn't I be spending almost every waking hour doing this comic thing? Or at least, well, I don't know what. Is something wrong with me?

It dawned on me that I'm now a reader. I realize that might not be some kind of big revelation, but to me it is. There was a time not long ago that I never read. I did the required stuff in school and I read Adams and Jordan. I blame Katrina. I had no other options so I started reading Lovecraft and that's about it. Now I'm reading damned near anything I can get my hands on. That's about it for now. More later.
kotaotan: (Default)
A little better all the time. Got a bank account again. Got some money in said account. Car seems to be doing ok. I feel all right. I actually want to start drawing more if possible. I'm also taking suggestions on subjects to do drawings of. Let me at 'em!

I'm curious if this is just the manic end of a manic/depressive mood swing. I don't think I'm prone to that though. Need to get some stuff taken care of and make and appointment to see Byron sometime.

So how's everyone else doing? Reply to this and let me know!
kotaotan: (Default)
So. I ran out of cash and overdrafted. Instead of declining my card the bank let me over draft to -$285 dollars. My check was $286 dollars. This left me with $1. I got a check for $100 and couldn't get it deposited on Friday because of the ridiculous lines and them only having one person at the bank. The next day they closed my back account and kept the dollar. My bills are coming due this week. I don't get paid till Friday. My car is acting up but only when I drive it. Mike drove it and it worked perfectly. Then, the switch to my porch light started to catch fire. Got it out, but that's just one more thing. I have no idea what to do.
kotaotan: (pic#215305)
Heck of a while since I posted anything so I figured I'd go ahead and see what I could type up. I'm feeling a bit lost at the moment. I'm not enjoying my home life, work, or school. I was enjoying school for a long while but it's getting, well, let me break this down a little better.
When I started at Antonelli I had a couple of friends. Sean and Adam. Sean dropped out and won't return any one's phone calls. Adam keeps dropping classes or switching to day shift. I've been at the school for over a year and I don't have any friends there. I have classmates that I don't see on a regular basis because I'm going part time because I'm poor and having to be at Antonelli every single night would drive me nuts. I did get a grant, but I'm not counting on having it next year.
EA is going well. I guess. I'm trying to find ways to stay interested while I'm in the pits.
I'm broke. And I mean BROKE. I had an unexpected emergency pop up and that along with several held charges from about three to four weeks ago popping up at the same time caused me to go into overdraft and I'm now $245 in the hole. I don't get paid until next Friday and when I do I'm going to lose half my check due to the overdraft. There are days where ya just wish he hadn't gotten out of bed.

Spiritually I'm a bit confused. See, I talk to God on a semi-regular basis and I really do believe he's up there and listening, but I have problems. I hear people around here talk about religion and how science is trying to do such-and-such to slight Jesus and I just get angry. My blood starts boiling. These people seriously believe that all the evidence of the Earth being older than 6000 years and evolution are just tools of Satan to convince people that God doesn't exist. I feel like the only person with a lick of sense sometimes.

Well, all that being said I suppose I'll just vanish again for a while. I'll try and be a little more active than I have in the last couple of years. God knows, I probably need the outlet.

First!

May. 13th, 2009 04:24 pm
kotaotan: (Default)
Well, let's see here. I had some luck today on the job hunt. Interview with Target on Friday. They called me ten minutes after I filled out the application.

Testing out some twitter apps.

Did the comic for tomorrow.

That is all. . .

I know. I'll update more tomorrow. Monty Python's on and I'm distracted.
kotaotan: (Default)
Antonelli College just called. They can help me find a new job and I'm going next week to register for the June quarter!

W00T!!
kotaotan: (Default)
Well, let's see here. What's been going on.
I've been able to talk to [livejournal.com profile] bluecanarykit a good bit this weekend so that's a definite bonus. Got some cd's from Walmart so I can burn some of the music I said I'd burn. Saw Mike, Warren, and Max today.
Something has me worried. I've been sent home early three times this week for one reason or the other. I know we're slow, but dang. I'm starting to worry a bit when I'm alone. I'm going to need to really discuss this though in retrospect. You see, they never out right fire anyone in this company. They just start cutting hours until you can't afford to keep the job. Knowing that and being the one sent home this week has apparently been somewhere in the back of my mind. I told Kit I wasn't going to worry about it, but here it is almost one in the morning and it's stuck in my head. What does it mean? Is it just coincidence? Are they trying to tell me something? I've only had this job for five months and while I don't like it, I do NEED it. Ugh. I didn't need this right now.
I did find out that I'm off NEXT weekend. This is good though. I'm going to get to go to Memphis that much sooner for Saturday.
Errant Apprentice is back and updating regularly. I'm moving like I should again. Hooray for art!
Okay, that's it. I'm going to bed. G'night all.
kotaotan: (Default)
My car died. . . I don't care.
My job is less than wonderful. . . I don't care.
People are excited the comic is back. . . I don't. . . okay about THAT I DO care.

The last twenty four hours have been the happiest of my entire life and that's all I'm sayin'.
kotaotan: (Default)
I don't normally do this but for once this song seems to sum up what's going on with my life right now. Take the Time by Dream Theater.

Just let me catch my breath...
I've heard the promises
I've seen the mistakes
I've had my fair share of tough
breaks
I need a new voice, a new law,
a new way
Take the time, reevaluate
It's time to pick up the pieces,
Go back to square one
I think it's time for a change

There is something that I feel
To be something that is real
I feel the heat within my mind
And craft new changes with
my eyes
Giving freely wandering
promises
A place with decisions I'll
fashion
I won't waste another breath

You can feel the waves coming on
(It's time to take the time)
Let them destroy you or carry
you on
(It's time to take the time)
You're fighting the weight of
the world
But no one can save you this
time
Close your eyes
You can find all you need in
your mind

The unbroken spirit
Obscured and disquiet
Finds clearness this trial
demands
And at the end of this day sighs
an anxious relief
For the fortune lies still in his
hands

If there's pensive fear, a
wasted year
A man must learn to cope
If his obsession's real,
Suppression that he feels must
turn to hope

Life is no more assuring than
love
(It's time to take the time)
There are no answers from
voices above
(It's time to take the time)
You're fighting the weight of
the world
And no one can save you this
time
Close your eyes
You can find all you need in
your mind

I close my eyes
And feel the water rise around
me
Drown the bear of time
Let my senses fall away
I can see much clearer now,
I'm blind

Find all you need in your mind
If you take the time
kotaotan: (Default)
I'm back folks. Megacon was an absolute blast. I finally got to meet a lot of my Nightgig breatheren and sisteren. Warren came with us and helped out at the table. I was next to Karl the whole time which was awesome. We ended up perverting each other's art quite a bit which is always a good thing. He also gave me some very good tips on ways to speed up the page making process for EA which I'll have to try and remember. So much happened I don't know how much detail I can go into since it's all so fresh. The only thing I can say for certain is that [livejournal.com profile] bluecanarykit is officially the coolest person in the world. That is all.

Also, I've uploaded the first batch of MegaCon photos up on my flickr page. Drop in and take a look.
kotaotan: (Default)
So this is it. I'm going to Orlando tomorrow via Northwest Airlines. I'm going to Megacon to promote the Errant Apprenice, Sweatshop Studios, and Nightgig in general. I'll post an update with pics when I get back.
kotaotan: (Default)
I just filled four lawn bags full of crap from my room. Most of it wasn't my stuff though. My mom saved everything. EVERYTHING. I found newpaper ads from 1982. There were puzzles my sister bought me before she moved to Utah in '83. Books about being a Jehovah's Witness (don't ask) and any number of other things I can't remember. There comes a point where sentimentality is bull crap and we've passed that point long ago. I now have three empty draws and some floor space in my closet. This is good because I need more room in my, well, room. The bad thing is that Tuesday I'll be doing this again. Why? There is STILL more stuff. Gah.
kotaotan: (Default)
I won't be out and about tonight like I thought I was. My Aunt Louise who lives across the street is in the hospital with heart problems and things so far do not look good. I'm going to be with my other Aunt part of the night it seems keeping her company. More later.

Stuff

Jan. 3rd, 2008 12:48 pm
kotaotan: (Chibi-Me)
Okay, now that I'm finally done reading Bone for the day I figured I'd write a bit since I have some time before work. Here's some general updates about life and the Sweatshop.

I've started reading Discworld again. I bought "The Last Continent" and decided to start from the beginning and read some of my favorites. Something about the series always makes me feel good about the world in general. Even Death. I've also decided to run the Discworld GURPS game for some friends. Mike has decided not to participate. Curses. If anyone local would like to be a fourth member of the playing group drop me a line. I've got three confirmed and we can discuss details.
I recently got a Doctor Who sonic screwdriver. I've been resisting every urge to take it with me. I have a feeling it isn't going to help me meet women.
I have a couple of days off coming up. First time in a while I've had two days off in a row, let alone in a week! I'll be off Sunday and Monday. Sunday I'll be working on the new EA cover (I hope) and Monday afternoon I may try and get out of the house unless various tasks jump on me.
For Christmas I got Super Mario Galaxy from Mike. It seems like a fun game. LIES! I've been stuck on the first few levels since the day after Christmas and just yesterday I gave up on it for now. It's too damned difficult to control and the camera is getting on my nerves badly. I played for two hours trying to get through one damned jumping puzzle and frankly it can take a flying leap itself right now.
That's about it for now. More later.
kotaotan: (Default)
I haven't been sleeping well. I blame work. Nothing terribly stressful exactly, I'm not getting home till 11:00 though when I close and then I have stuff to get done when I get home so sometimes I don't get to bed till 2 a.m. Last night I got to bed around midnight though. I nearly slept all morning and I still have to be at work by two. We have a shipment. I hate closing on shipment nights. It's just so damned stressful and hectic. Other than that I don't have any voicable complaints about work at the moment.

I need to get out more. I should probably try to start dating again too, but I'm so rusty I'm afraid I'll just embarrass myself. I haven't been on a date since October of '98. Honestly though, I can't remember the last time I met anyone. The good news is that I don't have the horrible and debilitating self doubt as much as I used to. I don't see myself as ugly and I think I'm a pretty keen fella'. I just don't get out much.

Dang it, I'm too tired for this and I don't have time for a nap this morning. Ah well. Let me get back to some chores and maybe I can post tomorrow night after I get the next page of the comic done.